Honoring the Good, the Hard, and the In Between

Plus 1 fun thing, 4 things I want you to know about, and 1 thing I'm pondering

Apr 10, 2025

There’s something special about connecting with a person who not only lives in the small town where you grew up, but also shares a similar parenting journey. That’s how I feel about Adrian Wood.

Adrian has a PhD in Educational Research and is the creator of the vlog Tales of an Educated Debutante and co-author of Autism Out Loud—and she lives in my childhood town. We’ve connected online for years, and this week she joined me on the podcast to discuss community, belonging, disability, and how we have grown up with our children.

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We also share some of the ways we honor the good, the hard, and everything in between:

Honor needs and limitations, for yourself and others.

Being human means living with limitations—that's part of the human experience. Adrian points out,

“You can't have it all. You can't do it all. You can't be it all.”

We have to make space to live within our limits as humans. Having a child with obvious limitations has invited us to be much gentler with our own limitations, rather than pretending they don't exist. Sometimes, that means letting go of our own discomfort or the urge to be efficient, and when we do, it opens the door to human connection that expands who we are. Something deeply beautiful grows when we honor each other and are patient with each other—and with ourselves—instead of forcing our way through the world.

Change the narrative—share what’s good and what’s hard.

Adrian grew up in a small town and attended a private school. She didn’t know anyone with a disability, so it’s unsurprising that, as an adult, she looked at families growing up alongside disability with a mix of awe and pity, not realizing that both emotions were rooted in a narrow understanding of disability. “I wish I had known—disabilities aren’t bad,” she says. “I think everybody has something in their life that is not what they planned. But it's a good life. I wouldn't trade it.” Adrian shares her family’s story—the good and the hard—to offer a narrative that goes beyond toxic positivity or tragedy.

Recognize that being present in a local community is important, and can be difficult.

Having a disability and being present in the local community isn’t always easy. A few weeks ago, Adrian was grocery shopping with her son Amos, who is in the 4th grade and on the autism spectrum. As Amos roamed the aisles and rolled on the floor, a person in the store made assumptions about Adrian’s parenting and called the police. Adrian says, “Sometimes you're going to get burned. It's not going to be easy, but it's important [to be present in the community].” Surprisingly, that phone call was not the end of the story. What started as an uncomfortable encounter in the grocery store turned into a series of meaningful conversations with the person who had called the police. Perspectives changed.

Last week, Adrian wrote on social media:

“You represent the world. You’re going to be at a game or the grocery store or a school play or maybe even at church and you’re going to see a person with autism. Maybe an adult or child who is not following the rules—maybe being too loud or rolling on the floor or struggling to hold it together.”

In that moment, Adrian hopes stories like this will help you to smile rather than judge. Our stories—of both the good and the hard—can begin to reshape our world into communities that say...

“Welcome! We’re here together.”

Stylized illustration of diverse, abstract human figures in warm and cool tones sitting closely together, symbolizing unity and connection. Overlaid text reads: “What might it look like for a community to say, ‘Welcome—we’re here together’?”

Please listen to (or watch) and share this episode. And I’d love to hear from you. How did you think about disability when you were growing up? Has that changed at all? If so, why and how? Reply to this email or leave a comment!

LIVE Workshop!

A promotional flyer for a workshop titled "Reimagining Family Life with Disability" featuring Amy Julia Becker. The workshop is scheduled for Saturday, May 3, 2025, from 9 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. at Walnut Hill Community Church - Bethel Campus, located at 156 Walnut Hill Road, Bethel, CT. The flyer highlights that the event is for families affected by disability and will cover topics such as reimagining disability, taking delight in children, connecting to the community, and taking steps toward a good future. The design includes a dark blue and white color scheme with a circular photo of a woman and a young girl with Down syndrome walking outdoors, holding hands and smiling

Join me in person on May 3 for the Reimagining Family Life with Disability workshop!

Walnut Hill Community Church - Bethel, CT
May 3, 2025, 9 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

1 Fun Thing

The top left image shows a Jon Batiste piano performance on stage. He’s seated at grand piano. The top right image displays a vibrant abstract painting with red, pink, green, and black swirls. The center image shows me and my friend Patricia smiling outdoors in NYC at night. The middle right photo shows us seated indoors by a large window with city buildings in the background. The bottom left image features another photo from Batiste’s performance.

My friend Patricia and I spent two nights in NYC this past weekend. We walked a gazillion steps, ate a gazillion calories, spoke even more words, and gave thanks for decades of friendship. We also had a chance to see the Jack Whitten exhibit at the MOMA, which was beautiful and disturbing and profound. And we saw Jon Batiste at Lincoln Center. There’s so much I could write about the show, but what struck me most was how he disrupted the status quo with joy and peace. These days, the status quo is disrupted often with fear and anger. But I didn’t expect to be singing and clapping alongside thousands of other people. I didn’t expect to be disrupted by joy.

4 Things I Want You to Know About

Podcast Episode: 213: Lessons from Netflix's "Adolescence"

I have not watched the show Adolescence in its entirety, but Marilee and her friends are all talking about this hard story of a teenage boy accused of murdering a female classmate. The show has created buzz and sparked conversation because of the role of social media in the story and in the lives of our children. This podcast conversation with therapist Lisa Damour is a helpful guide to the show and why it matters. (And if you aren’t going to take six hours to watch the show, at least these 30 minutes will help you know what it’s about and why parents and kids are talking about it.)

Essay: “What the Comfort Class Doesn’t Get”

I found this essay by Xochitl Gonzalez for the Atlantic really helpful in understanding the social divides we are experiencing in America right now: What the Comfort Class Doesn’t Get.

Podcast Episode: The Blessing of Limitations with Kelly Kapic

I love the way Kelly Kapic reminds us of the gifts of our limitations.

Organization: SupportNow

SupportNow is a website that allows people experiencing some sort of need to provide updates and receive help of all sorts. It’s kind of like Meal Train, Gofundme, and Caringbridge all in one, but with better tech and also more options. For example, in addition to bringing a meal, receiving a health update, or helping with financial needs, people could sign up to give one of your kids a ride to practice or walk a dog or something like that.

Also on the site, they have a free database of grants for families who need support. You can search it by state and diagnosis and see whether anything is available.

For any family in need of support, this site has lower fees associated with it, provides a more comprehensive platform than any other site I know of, and combines more opportunities for support.

1 Thing I’m Pondering

I’ve been reading through the biblical book of Exodus this Lent, and nearly every day I learn something that helps deepen my understanding of God’s love. Today that was reading some notes on Exodus 19. In that passage, God makes reference to bearing the people up “on eagle’s wings.”

I’ve heard that phrase throughout my life as a Christian. It comes up in the Psalms and Isaiah. I’ve sung inspirational songs about it. But I’ve never wondered what the image conveys. The commentary I was reading connected me to Deuteronomy 32, which expands on the image:

“As an eagle stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, as it spreads its wings, takes them up, and bears them aloft on its pinions, the Lord alone guided him…”

So the idea is that a mother eagle with baby birds in the nest “stirs up the nest” so that the baby birds will try to fly. And then, when they can’t sustain the flight, the mother “bears them aloft.” The mother eagle coaxes the fledglings out of the nest and makes them take a risk they aren’t entirely ready for. She also swoops in to rescue them as they fall.

What an image of God. Teacher. Mother. Rescuer.

What about you?

What are you reading, watching, or listening to these days?

Reimagining the Good Life

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