Cultivating Connection One Word at a Time
How speaking with care shapes and expands our world {Plus recent favorites}
First things first:
JUST A FEW DAYS LEFT! Registration is closing soon for my Reimagining Family Life with Disability workshop. It begins next Wednesday, February 5. We will learn how to take delight in our children, connect to community, and take steps towards a good future. Register today!
This Saturday (Feb 1) I’ll be in Haddonfield, NJ. I’d love to meet you in person!
FREE seminar: Building community for adults with disabilities—Creating a Meaningful and Manageable Plan for a Good Future
Language can be confusing.
I once shared a post that included a story from someone who identified as a "person with autism." To respect their choice of words, I used the same term in my post. Later, someone who hadn’t seen the original story commented, suggesting that I should have used the term "autistic person" instead. This isn’t the first time I've been corrected online. I’ll admit, knowing which words to use can sometimes feel confusing—there isn’t always a straightforward answer—but it can also be a beautiful, expansive process. I’m reflecting here on words directly connected to disability, but speaking with care is a far-reaching practice that nurtures connection and shapes our culture in many different contexts.
Our words matter. The language we use often reveals our assumptions about disability. When our culture talks about disability as a “tragedy,” or when a disabled person is called “inspirational,” we can detect assumptions and even biases behind those words.
If you’re like me, you’re not always sure what to say or which words to use to cultivate spaces of belonging. Maybe you’re feeling a little cynical—like there’s too much “language policing” and we should move on to more important issues. Or maybe you feel despair—you worry that you’ll keep saying the wrong things and unintentionally hurt people.
Carrie Hahn, a pediatric speech-language pathologist and mother, joins me on the podcast to talk about her book Beyond Inclusion: How to Raise Anti-Ableist Kids. Her stories and suggestions offer ALL of us a way to put a reimagined life into practice.
Here are just a few things she offers:
Listen on Apple🎙️ | Listen on Spotify🎙️ | Watch on YouTube🎬
Individuality Matters:
Carrie reminds us that “people don’t fit in little neat boxes… A person who was born blind has had a very different experience than a person who had vision and then lost their vision.” Because every individual’s experience and preferences are different, it’s important to focus on agency, “making sure that the disabled person is in control of their own narrative and their own story.” For example, does someone identify as “an autistic person” or “a person with autism”? Respecting each individual’s choice of words is one way to cultivate spaces of belonging.
When we do get the language wrong…
Commit to Connection:
Carrie explains that she used to feel ashamed when she said the wrong thing, which led her to withdraw and distance herself. This shame created a barrier in her relationships. Over time, she’s learned to stay engaged, listen with humility, and prioritize connection over perfection.
“I’m going to try to stay in this space. Even if I feel like I might be getting it wrong, I want to continue to listen.”
It’s essential to communicate that “I care about you more than I care about the fact that I got called out.”
Expanding Our World
While evaluating our words is important, this is not a restrictive exercise. Rather, the process of choosing words that cultivate belonging is a development of the heart that actually expands our world. It brings a different sense of self and a recognition of the beauty and wonder of the humans with whom we’re interacting.
I hope you’ll watch or listen to this interview! We also discuss:
The complexities of navigating ableism
How to cultivate inclusion and belonging one word at a time
Ways to respond when we get the language wrong
Why recognizing individuality matters
Simple tips to make spaces more welcoming and accessible (like how to plan a birthday party that welcomes all kids {25:34})
After you listen, let me know what you think. Leave a comment or reply to this email. And please share this episode with a friend.
Blessings,
Amy Julia
P.S. Keep scrolling for 3 recent favorites!
What is “the good life” for our children?
Grateful to speak in Dallas last Sunday and connect with so many parents who want to explore a different way to a good life with their children. Thank you to Church of the Incarnation for your warm welcome and great questions!
Reimagining Family Life with Disability Workshop
It makes all the difference to connect to a community that:
supports growth
and encourages giftedness
and provides care when there are needs
and offers help
and encourages interdependence
It makes all the difference to connect to a community that says, “We aren’t us without you.”
I spend a lot of time focused on how to connect to community in the Remaining Family Life with Disability workshop. I offer practical tips and strategies that have helped our family.
When an entire community believes in a child, that child thrives, learns, and grows. Explore possibilities with me! Register today and take 25% off with code FEB25 at checkout.
Recent Favorites
Podcast: 352: Don’t Feel Bad for Not Having Clarity
I'm making a lot of decisions about what to do next—professionally and personally—right now. I really appreciated Emily P. Freeman's words around how to experience clarity in the midst of decision-making.
Article: Special ed students benefit from being integrated at school. It doesn't always happen.
I get questions all the time from parents who think their kids should be included in a general education classroom, and whose schools say their kids need to be segregated into a special education classroom. Here's yet another article that demonstrates why the inclusive setting is good for all kids.
Article: The Bishop Who Pleaded With Trump: ‘Was Anyone Going to Say Anything?’
I'm grateful to Bishop Budde for drawing attention to the divergent views among Christians on issues like immigration and protections for our most vulnerable citizens. As the New York Times put it, "one representation of Christianity began speaking to another" in the National Cathedral last week. We need more of this type of speech—careful but courageous, humble but firm, slow to anger and quick to listen, turning to the words of Jesus—outside of the pulpit and within the pews.
What are some of your recent favorites?
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