The Next Step Matters
Our lives have value and purpose. We're headed somewhere good. {Plus 1 reality check, 3 things worth your time, and 1 thing I'm pondering}
I used to hate setting goals for Penny. It felt like I was measuring her worth based on how quickly she achieved something I arbitrarily decided for her. I wanted to get off the treadmill of measuring worth by achievement.
In time, I started to see it differently.
Now I see goal setting—for her and for me—as a statement of belief that our lives have value and purpose, that we are headed somewhere good.
Earlier this week, I sat with Penny, who now attends college, in a PPT (Planning and Placement Team) meeting. This annual meeting includes all the teachers, therapists, and other administrators responsible for implementing Penny’s IEP (Individualized Education Plan). We gather to discuss her progress and goals for the future. This year, Penny took the lead. She articulated her desire to take a writing class and to work on initiating conversations. Other team members remarked on the ways she’s grown this year and the areas where she can keep learning. I mentioned Penny could use some help finding a summer job.
For years, even once I became hopeful about it, this type of planning felt really overwhelming. I still get scared about Penny’s future—will she be able to live outside of our home? Should we petition for guardianship? How much should we push her to get a job?
You Need to Know A, B, and Z
Amidst the swirling questions, I bring myself back to the podcast I’ve mentioned here before in which James Clear and Peter Attia talked about how, when setting goals, all you need to know is “A, B, and Z.” You need to know A, which is to say, you need to know where you are right now. You need to know Z, your ultimate desired destination. Other than that, all you need to know is B, the next step to take. (And then you figure out C, and D, and on down the line, keeping Z in view.)
Penny knows her A, B, and Z. She registered for an English class. We received a form from school about job placement possibilities. For today, that’s what we need.
There are plenty of goals I never come close to achieving, and the same is true for Penny. I still see those goals as statements of hope, as signposts that help us to imagine a good future.
So, what’s your A, your Z, and your B—for yourself, or your child? Where are you? What do you hope for? And what’s the one next step you want to take in that direction?
-Amy Julia
P.S. Keep reading for:
1 reality check
3 things worth your time
1 thing I’m pondering
LIVE In-Person Workshop!
I’m looking forward to connecting with some of you at this workshop on Saturday!
1 Reality Check
They call it Maycember for a reason! In our case (and maybe yours too?) it feels more like Springcember, where every day from April through mid-June is just chock full of activities and events. Track meets. Tennis matches. Soccer games. Performances. Celebrations. Reunions. Graduations. I’m reminding myself of two things. One, that I can’t do it all. It’s okay to miss some of the moments. And two, when I can and do show up, I show up with gratitude that I get to be here right now.
3 Things Worth Your Time
NYT: “KENNEDY DESCRIBED MY DAUGHTER’S REALITY”
I wrote a response to RFK Jr’s remarks about autism in which I said he misunderstands autism, disability, and what it means to be human. I continue to believe that rhetoric like his perpetuates false messages about disability that diminish and devalue any number of people who do not conform to “the norm.” Disabled lives—including those that exist far outside the norm—include love and purpose and beauty and joy and all sorts of possibility. But there’s another angle on the story—of autism, of disability, of humanity—that needs to be told. That’s the angle that includes hardship and suffering and pain and lament. This essay by Emily May captures the deep sadness and love experienced by parents who desperately want to help their children who have been diagnosed with autism.
PBS: CHANGE, NOT CHARITY: THE AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT
This 53-minute documentary tells the story of how the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) was passed in 1990. There’s so much to say about this film, and I highly recommend it. It feels especially helpful right now in demonstrating how much the legislation around disability changes the place of the disabled within our society.
Novel: YOU ARE HERE BY DAVID NICHOLLS
This novel is a lovely love story set in the English countryside. I don’t even know how to say more about it except that the characters are just so real and likeable and their story is carried along through beautiful writing.
1 Thing I’m Pondering
I gave the girls a devotional book for Easter called Adored. We read it each morning at 7:20. It takes all of a minute or so, but I like this very little drip of encouragement that reminds them of their belovedness day by day. Of course I also can’t help myself from commenting on the thoughts expressed within its pages, which sometimes means my amendments. Anyway, one of the things that came up was how God is unchanging. And there’s a truth to that. God’s love is unchanging. God’s care for us is unchanging. God’s promises to do good are unchanging. But there are also verses like the one I read this morning in Exodus 32, where God “changes his mind.”
God may be unchanging, but God is not static or predictable or stale. I think of another verse:
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. God’s mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great if your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23).
Embedded within those sentences is the unchanging, steadfast love and faithfulness of God, right alongside the daily newness of God’s mercy. It makes me think of the sunrise. Unchangingly steadfast. And also new every morning.
What about you?
What are you pondering, reading, watching, or listening to these days?
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