When the to-do list feels like a flood

From college prep to new schools to job searches, I’ve been overwhelmed. Here’s what’s helping me—and a free tool for you too. {Plus 4 fun things, 2 things worth your time, and 2 things I'm pondering}

Jun 26, 2025

I get overwhelmed pretty regularly by all the things I could be doing to support our kids. Marilee is heading to a new school in the fall, and the forms and the preparation for sports and having a roommate and just spending time with her before she goes away feels big and scary. William just finished his junior year, so we are thick in the college search process and SAT prep, not to mention getting a driver’s license and nudging him to make some spending money. And then there’s Penny, 19 years old now, with Down syndrome, navigating the world of early adulthood. The list of things I could be doing to support her sometimes feels like a flood.

Penny and I are preparing food together in a kitchen. I'm showing Penny how to slice zucchini on a cutting board placed on a blue table. A glass baking dish and a bowl of chopped zucchini are nearby — Photo by Cloe Poisson {2024}

When I’m tempted to catastrophize…

The torrent began a few months ago when we realized that Penny probably couldn’t get a job through a local program as planned. I fought against catastrophizing. Eventually, I remembered the words I tell people in the Reimagining Family Life with Disability workshops: start with delight, connect to community, and take the next step towards a good future.

We started with delight:
Penny and I sat down together and made a list of places where she might enjoy working or volunteering.

We connected to community by reaching out to people we know:
She emailed a local bookstore, our church, and a wedding planner, and she texted a neighbor interested in having someone read to her daughter. Two of them never responded, but two said they would love to have her involved in some way this summer.

And now we take it one small step at a time.

(The same is true with our other kids; I just tend to do less catastrophizing with them!)

Free Calendar

If you are a parent who finds yourself needing some encouragement to start with delight, connect to community, and take the next step towards a good future—I’m sending along a free calendar with 30 simple next steps to get you going. Each one takes five minutes or less.

DOWNLOAD THE CALENDAR

I’m excited to see what the future holds for all of us and for each of our kids.

Happy Summer!

Amy Julia

4 Fun Things

We recently celebrated my parents’ 55th wedding anniversary.

collage of photos from 50th wedding celebration

They hosted a party with friends and family, and I had the job of emceeing the toasts and entertainment of the evening. The party was lovely in every way. It also was a drizzly, 64 degrees in June. And somehow it seemed especially fitting to me that we would celebrate this marriage on an evening that was not all sunshine and roses. Any of us who have been married more than a few weeks know that the words “for better, for worse” apply to our particular partnership. I look at my parents, who have weathered both the better and the worse, and a gorgeous celebration on a rainy day fits just right.

I got to toast my dear friend Patricia’s graduation from Fuller Seminary.

AJ in a selfie with Patricia and another friend

I surprised her by showing up in Richmond unexpectedly for 24 hours. She later said it felt like she was assaulted by happiness, and I was again overwhelmed with gratitude for decades of friendship. Patricia’s influence in my life is hard to overstate—her ideas permeate so much of my writing that I don’t even know how to credit her for it. But I do know that when I’m invited to show up to celebrate her, I will do everything I can to be there, with a heart full of thanks.

William is studying the author Marilynne Robinson for a class right now.

William and Marilee smiling for the camera

This means he is spending 3-4 hours a day in the archives of a library on Yale’s campus. So far, he’s discovered three unpublished novels. AND Marilee and I were driving through New Haven for a trip to the Apple store and realized he might be nearby, so we ended up with a spontaneous dinner together.

Penny just got home from Camp PALS.

Here’s how she described her week:

Pals always feels like a second home to me. The community and the people are always so supportive and welcoming. When I’m at pals, I feel as if I can take on every activity. I have a different type of confidence because people at pals create a week of inclusion. For example, we went roller skating one day. Usually, I would back out of that activity, but this time I was willing to do it because I knew I could if I tried. Even after I took a fall, I got up and kept going.
Some highlights of my week included karaoke with my partner Bella, full group movie night, and things like pals olympics and painting sunsets during our on campus days. Every year I wish pals could be longer.

2 Things Worth Your Time

DOCUMENTARY: I’ll Push You

This documentary tells the story of Justin and Patrick, lifelong best friends who hike the El Camino de Santiago together. The unexpected part of the story is that Justin has a rare degenerative muscle disease. He invites Patrick to join him on the Camino, a 500-mile pilgrimage through the mountains of Spain. What struck me most about this story was that it was more about Patrick—the non-disabled friend—learning about interdependence and need. Justin had already learned that limitations, including the ones that seem severe and even tragic, can ultimately open us up to even greater love. Patrick hadn’t understood that until he tried, and failed, to push Justin on his own.

NON-FICTION: Effortless by Greg McKeown

What if the better way to achieve goals and live a full life is the easier way? Effortless explains how and why we don’t need to push so hard or strive so much. My favorite part comes at the end, when McKeown offers a personal story of a health crisis with his daughter. Instead of challenging himself to learn everything there was to learn about her condition and track down every piece of research, he decided to take the easier path of loving his family and trusting the doctors. He writes:

“It was not negotiable: we simply could not now or ever burn out. If your job is to keep the fires burning for an indefinite period of time, you can’t throw all the fuel on the flames at the beginning.”

It stands as another encouragement to all of us as parents to start with delight, connect to community, and take one next step!

2 Things I’m Pondering

When the Eye Twitch Comes Back

As those of you who have read White Picket Fences may remember, I developed an eye twitch when I was working on that book. So maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that said eye twitch has returned, even though I was not conscious of feeling a lot of fear around the next book. Thankfully, I wrote To Be Made Well in the interim, so I’m more equipped than I was eight years ago to address moments when my body tells me I’m experiencing stress (even when my mind disagrees). So, every time the twitch began, I paused, closed my eyes, breathed deeply, and prayed for insight as to what was prompting it.

After a week or so of this, I was listening to a (fantastic) talk by Andy Crouch. In this talk, he quoted from Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians in chapter 1. Paul prays, “that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation as you come to know him, so that, with the eyes of your heart enlightened, you may perceive what is the hope to which he has called you…” I started to meditate on the idea of having the “eyes of my heart enlightened,” and asking God to show me what I need to see. But I have also begun to ask that with that insight I might be able to see clearly “the hope to which he has called” me. Yes, I want to be a person of hope in God’s love and grace in a general way. But I also want to perceive—to understand clearly—the particular hope to which I have been called. I want to steward that hope well. I want to proclaim that hope to the people who need it most. For me right now, the particular hope I get to tell people about is that disabled people, of all ages, of all diagnoses, of all skill-levels, matter. They are beloved. They have purpose. We need them. We need each other.

Particular Hope

I recently learned the story of Chiune Sugihara, a Japanese diplomat in Lithuania in 1939, who was at work when the Germans occupied Lithuania. When hundreds of Jewish Lithuanians petitioned him for visas to flee the country, he defied his government’s orders. He worked ceaselessly over the next few weeks to issue 2,100 visas, essentially saving all those lives. He later lost his job and worked as a laborer in Japan for the rest of his days. He knew the particular hope to which he was called, and he lived it out.

What are you reading, watching, or listening to these days?

Reimagining the Good Life

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