Is Independence the Goal?
One mom's journey to challenge conventional notions of achievement and success
Every so often I get asked, “Do you think Penny will live independently?”
I’ve started answering that question about my daughter who has Down syndrome by saying, “I never want her to live independently.”
In reality, I have never lived independently. Life for all of us, if we stop and think about it, is an existence of interdependence. Independence is not my goal for myself, for Penny, or for any of our children.
That said, do I think Penny can live outside of our home? I do, because I think she will be able to develop interdependent relationships with other people.
Interdependence, not independence, is the goal.
My guest on the podcast this week is author and professor Pepper Stetler. In our conversation about measuring intelligence, she says this about independence:
“Being able to do things by yourself is the gold standard of being an adult. That is what being an adult is—being independent. Maybe we don't think about it that way. Maybe we prioritize community and collaboration and helping one another and respecting everybody's needs, rather than pushing for independence as the goal of life.”
You can probably already imagine why I loved this conversation and her book!
Dr. Stetler is the author of A Measure of Intelligence: One Mother's Reckoning with the IQ Test. She shares with me her personal journey navigating the world of IQ testing with her daughter Louisa, who has Down syndrome. Together we explore:
the historical roots of intelligence assessments
IQ testing's societal implications
the ethical dilemmas the tests present for parents and educators
how IQ tests shape our understanding of intelligence and the pursuit of a fulfilling life
ways to challenge conventional notions of achievement and success
“Either you’re in or you’re out.”
You may have noticed that there’s this mindset around disability, or anything that varies from what we consider the norm, that says, “Either you’re in or you're out.” Instead of shaping a posture of curiosity and possibility, IQ tests often fuel this mindset of exclusion. So why do we measure intelligence?
What freedom could we offer one another as humans if we weren’t so stuck on the “treadmill of achievements and quantified learning”?
This conversation is an illuminating dive into education and societal perceptions around intelligence that you won't want to miss!
Listen on Apple🎙️ | Listen on Spotify🎙️ | Watch on YouTube🎬
MORE FROM PEPPER:
“The way that we think about intelligence affects everybody. My students in college are still often quite miserable because of the system of intelligence that we have. We're all shaped by it.”
“Education is supposed to be about helping somebody grow, helping somebody learn to be their happiest and most fulfilled self rather than a kind of placement. It’s become this achievement of a kind of quantified number instead of deep, meaningful learning in other ways.”
“We need to work against a regime of intelligence that gives [my daughter] no space to be herself.”
I’d love to hear from you. How have you found freedom from the “treadmill of achievements”?
Blessings,
Amy Julia
P.S. Keep scrolling for a place I love and my thoughts on a new study that just came out about developmental milestones—do they harm or help us? Plus, there’s a new way to celebrate Down Syndrome Awareness month.
This place!
I never want to miss October in New England. Even better when I get to experience it with this guy.
I used to love, and then hate, developmental milestone charts for kids.
Developmental milestone measurements harm us if we use them to try to determine human value. But here’s how I think they can serve us. Read or watch here…
Noonday Bracelet
Happy Down Syndrome Awareness month! To celebrate, I have partnered with Noonday Collection and artisans in Guatemala to bring you the Lucky Few hand beaded bracelet designed by my fellow Lucky Few mama Mica May. $5 of every bracelet sold goes towards creating job opportunities for people with Down syndrome living in Guatemala through job skills training at the Margarita Tejada Foundation. Wear it and be an advocate! Limited quantities available!
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