“You are a human. You belong here.”

Parenting, disability, and the radical act of showing up just as we are {Plus 4 fun things, 4 things worth your time, and 1 thing I'm pondering}

Jun 19, 2025

I’ve been thinking a lot about belonging—what it feels like, where we find it, and how we create spaces that nurture it. I recently talked with

Heather Avis

, the founder and chief visionary officer of the Lucky Few, about her new children’s book I Like You So Much. She offered such a rich reflection on this topic, and I wanted to share a few thoughts with you here.

Belonging Is a Fundamental Human Need

Belonging isn’t just something we might hope to find—it’s fundamental to being human. In Heather’s words:

“Finding belonging is the deepest desire of every human being.”

And yet, true spaces of belonging—places where we can be unapologetically ourselves, where we can let our shoulders down and simply be—can feel rare.

Promotional graphic for a podcast episode titled “The Lucky Few: Finding Delight and Belonging in Disability with Heather Avis.” On the left, Heather Avis is smiling with her three children of diverse backgrounds, two of whom have Down syndrome. On the left is a photo of Amy Julia. — Avis Photo Credit: © Camilynne Photography

LISTEN OR WATCH: Apple 🎧 | Spotify 🎧 | YouTube 🎬

Shout Worth

Affirm belonging by “shouting worth”—not waiting for permission to exist, but confidently claiming space for our kids in our communities. When Heather registers her kids with Down syndrome for local programs, she doesn’t ask whether they’re allowed—she assumes they belong.

We are humans. This is a thing for humans. So we’re going to show up.

She goes on to say that when they show up, they also work to create the necessary support. Sometimes that support plan doesn’t work out, so they don’t stay, but that doesn’t hold them back from showing up with the expectation that they belong:

“At the end of the day, my kids are not asking permission to exist in the world. They’re going to show up in the spaces where other humans exist.”

Create space for difference.

Belonging doesn’t require sameness. It means being welcomed as you are. Heather’s daughter Macyn doesn’t usually jump into whatever activity is happening, but:

“She knows she can show up as she is, and she's embraced in the group. So it's less about what we're actually doing and more about the fact that she can come in and out at any time and lean on someone or make herself known or say that she likes something or doesn't. And there's no question in the room whether she gets to be that person or not.

We each belong as we are.

Ask: Does this space honor or exclude?

There is a difference between spaces that honor and those that other. Heather gives the example of her Black daughter, Truly, starting a Black Student Union at her school—an honoring, affirming space for identity and connection. People with disabilities might also want spaces to connect only with other disabled people, and that can be a good thing. Still, too often, in the disability community, separation is not about honoring. It’s about exclusion.

It’s important to ask: Who’s missing from our communities, our schools, our churches? Are we assuming that certain bodies or minds are less valuable? Or are we celebrating each person’s presence?

Delight and Celebration

Delight and celebration anchor us—especially as parents—amid so many cultural narratives that tell us a child’s worth depends on achievement, ability, or “success.”

“What if we just celebrated and delighted in our kids because they’re them? Not for what they do, but for who they are.”

Whether parenting kids with disabilities, advocating for inclusion, or just being human with one another, may we begin with delight and create spaces where everyone is free to be fully themselves and deeply loved.

I hope you’ll listen or watch and share this episode with a friend.

And I’d love to hear from you. Where have you experienced true belonging? What does “shouting worth” look like in your family? Leave a comment!

-Amy Julia

4 Fun Things

8th Grade Graduation

collage of photos from Marilee's 8th grade grad

Marilee graduated from 8th grade, which also means she finished 13 years at the only school she’s ever attended. She may never have a relationship with another institution that lasts that long. I am so grateful for the way Washington Montessori School shaped her into the thoughtful, fun, kind young woman she is. I’m even grateful for the hundreds of hours we spent in the car together, where I listened to teenage murder mysteries, we solved the Wordle and Connections, I learned new words like “riz” and “sigma,” and I also—every so often—got to hear about what she was thinking or feeling. She gave a speech (as did each of her classmates) during graduation about the way her school gave her a place of safety, love, and belonging. It also made her into someone who helps other people feel safe and loved and that they belong.

Anniversary

The day of Marilee’s graduation was also our 26th wedding anniversary. Peter and I haven’t done much to celebrate it yet, but he did send me some pretty incredible flowers.

Camp PALS

Penny and two members of a welcome team smile outdoors in front of a stone building. The welcome team is wearing matching red "PALS" shirts and lanyards, one of whom holds a handmade red sign that reads “Welcome Penny” with hearts.

Penny is at Camp PALS, one of her favorite weeks of the year. PALS creates inclusive camp experiences for people with and without Down syndrome. She loves every minute.

A Few Days at the Shore

And I get to spend a few days at the shore with Marilee and five of her close friends. I honestly don’t miss the toddler years, or even the elementary school cuteness. But I cherish every one of these days.

4 Things Worth Your Time

MEMOIR: The Electricity of Every Living Thing by Katherine May

Katherine May came to fame with her book Wintering. I also really loved Enchantment (and got to talk with her on the podcast about that one). So I’m kind of surprised it took me this long to read her first memoir, The Electricity of Every Living Thing. The writing is as crisp and lovely as usual, and her self-deprecating British humor shines a wry, witty light on motherhood, marriage, and being human. All of this happens amidst the twin stories of seeking to hike all the trails along the coast of England while simultaneously discovering—in her late 30s—that she is autistic. I loved her insight, questions, and thoughtfulness throughout this story of self-acceptance.

TEDxAtlanta: Cash, Casseroles, and Grief: Rethinking How We Show Up for Each Other | Jordan Arogeti

When tragedy strikes—whether it’s the death of a spouse, a devastating diagnosis, or a natural disaster—we often ask the same question: How can I help?

Jordan Arogeti introduces a new framework for navigating support during life’s most difficult moments: Support Languages.

ESSAY: Addressing Gaps in Care for Patients with Disabilities

I knew that many people with disabilities experience discrimination in medical environments, but I had no idea the extent of it. Read here.

ESSAY: Grief and hope: The theological legacy of Walter Brueggemann

I am not alone in my deep appreciation for the life and work of Walter Brueggemann. As Michael DeLashmutt puts it in this piece for Religion News Service:

“Brueggemann wrote as someone who had wrestled with the text in all its complexity and had come out the other side still listening for the voice of God. His prose was academic and lyrical, unsettling and pastoral. Through him, I learned that Scripture could be both historically situated and spiritually alive. He reintroduced me to a Bible that could once again speak to my heart, my mind and to my public witness.”

And:

“What made his work endure wasn’t just his brilliance, though he had that in spades. It was his ability to combine scholarship with pastoral urgency, critique with hope. He was unafraid to name the idols of our age — consumerism, nationalism, white supremacy — and to do so with theological clarity, not as a pundit, but as a prophet. And he did so while remaining, in some deep sense, a preacher of the word.”

If you are new to Brueggemann, maybe start with The Prophetic Imagination. I also highly recommend his commentary on Genesis and his recent pair of books on Exodus.

1 Thing I’m Pondering

I was encouraged to see that the Supreme Court ruled unanimously to protect the rights of kids with disabilities and their parents. In this case, a family whose daughter had epileptic seizures in the morning, and thus could not learn during those hours, petitioned for her to receive additional instruction in the late afternoon or evening. Their school district in Kentucky accommodated those needs. But once they moved to Minnesota, the new school district refused. Eventually—after years of litigation—they relented, but they refused to compensate the family for the years of providing supplementary education and therapy for their daughter, and a lower court allowed that refusal to stand. The Supreme Court essentially sent the case back to the lower courts but clarified that the school does not have to show “bad faith” or “gross misjudgment” in order to be unjust in its treatment. The simple refusal to accommodate was enough for the family to have a right to sue. The ruling gives other families a broader and clearer way to fight for the rights of their children to educational accommodations.

Okay, so that’s a rather lengthy explanation. I wanted to point out not only the facts of the case, but also that Aaron Tharpe, father of the child who was denied accommodations, told NPR he was pursuing the lawsuit not only on behalf of his daughter, but also on behalf of all the other children who have been and could be denied accommodations. “This is bigger than our family,” he said.

Our cultural moment sometimes seems so individualized, and yet the disability rights movement has always depended on a sense of collective concern. We take steps forward not only for our own families, but for all the ones who come behind us. This victory is yet another moment of solidarity and community and interdependence where one family fought on behalf of their beloved daughter, and on behalf of countless individuals they will never know by name.

What are you reading, watching, or listening to these days?

Reimagining the Good Life

Discussion about this post